April 30th, early evening
May. 1st, 2013 11:59 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dr_laurenSam and Lauren had quickly fallen into their old routine after the events of the lockup in Sanctuary - if anything Lauren was even more present, checking in on Sam in the morning and evening to make sure the other woman was coping with the strange events of the past few days. Normally the doctor was friendly and kind, entirely focused on Sam and her struggles to adjust to this strange new world. It made the change all the easier to spot.
Lauren showed up that evening as promptly as always, ringing the buzzer on Sam's door and waiting to be let in even though they were familiar enough that that really wasn't necessary. She smiled absently at the other woman, her features shifting to a distracted frown that Sam had come to know as the expression she wore when puzzling over a particularly challenging problem in the lab. "Hey."
"...Hey yourself," Sam said, standing back to let Lauren past her into the room, which looked very much as it had before the lockdown - sparse and neat, the only addition a small rucksack that now lived in the corner of the room. "C'n I get you anything? The replicator gave me some coke this morning..."
"Mm, sure, or water's fine too," Lauren told her, taking a seat in the lounge chair. "How was today?"
"Went for a run," Sam offered. "During the middle of the day, too, there were other people around and everything. Of course, I was at a full run pretty much the whole time so it's not like there was much danger of having to talk to them..."
"Well, it's still good that you got out there," Lauren said, looking more worried than cheerful at this news. "I'm glad."
Now Sam's brows drew together, though she still disappeared into her tiny bathroom for a minute to fetch the promised coke (which had a plain label on it declaring it to be 'coke') and pouring them each a glass before sitting down on the bed, nodding toward the desk chair beside it. "How was your day?"
"Oh, you know..."
"Do I?" Sam raised her eyebrows at Lauren over her glass. "Tell me anyway."
"Oh, I just did some work in the lab. That's about it, really." Normally at this point Lauren would offer some confusing scientific jargon for her latest project, something Sam might've heard in her forensic chemistry lectures maybe, but on this occasion she didn't elaborate, merely sipping the gently-fizzing drink and staring off into the middle distance.
"D'you... want to tell me what else happened today?" Sam said after a slightly-too-long pause, tipping her head to the side. "Or do I need to get out the bright light and the tape recorder."
The other woman started, looking back at Sam almost guiltily. "I... I don't know. I mean. I don't want to worry you."
"Consider that mission a bust," Sam informed her dryly. "I'm worried."
Lauren began to fidget, spreading her fingers out towards Sam like she was offering her something, then closing as she took it away again. "I just... do you remember that first night, in the sanctuary? I disappeared for a while and told you not to worry?"
"Yeah, to talk to the vampires." At Lauren's wince, she shrugged. "I'm not an idiot. I assumed you sorted something out. I... take it that's not quite the case?"
"I though it was, but today I was in the lab and I had this thought... no, a memory of something happening and... I think they did something to me. Convinced me to shut up and accept their decisions."
Sam shook her head. "I don't understand, you remembered them talking you round?"
"No," Lauren said, her expression twisting. "I mean they made me, they used some sort of... glamour, or trance or something to make me think we had resolved things when we hadn't." She sucked in a breath, quickly setting her glass down and reaching to press her hands to her cheeks. "I walked out thinking they were right because they made me. Manipulated me."
"They brainwashed you? Fuck..." Sam set her own glass down, sitting forward where she was perched on the bed, as though wanting to pull her seat closer to Lauren but obviously unable to. "Jesus... Who was it? What are you going to do?"
"I don't know. I mean, I do know, it was Klaus," Lauren stated matter-of-factly, as if that would help. "But I don't know what I'm going to do about it. I wanted to help them, but after this... they're dangerous, clearly. I don't know what to do." She looked up at Sam with a pained expression, unwilling to dump her problems on the other woman and yet desperately needing reassurance.
"This is..." Sam shook her head. "I knew they could do that, but I thought - with those nanites you talked about, I assumed..."
"You knew?" Lauren asked, frowning. "Oh, of course. Your research. Yes, I think that they're still quite dangerous, even with the nanites."
"But no one else has ever said they were... mind controlled, or whatever, have they? I mean, d'you think you're just the only one who's realised afterward?"
"I don't know. I don't know." Suddenly she pushed herself up, turning away from the other woman, her expression fraught. "I don't know anything about this, I don't have my books and my sources and my research, I can't just ask someone because the only people who know are them, and I can't examine myself because what if I'm wrong, what if I'm just going insane and this is what it feels like?"
Sam was on her feet again in a moment - Lauren heard her rise from the bunk - though she didn't come any closer. "Well," she said carefully after a long moment, "can you tell me why you decided that you had come to an agreement? With the vampires, I mean," she added, as though this wasn't obvious.
"Because he told me I had. And I believed it."
"What reason did you have to believe it?"
"You mean before or after the compulsion?"
"You were busy second-guessing yourself. So assuming that it's in your imagination, what reason did you have to believe that everything was fine?"
"I... I don't know. I suppose because nothing had gone wrong yet," Lauren said with a shrug.
"So why talk to them in the first place?" Sam pushed, and Lauren heard her voice grow a little closer, almost beside her now.
"Because eventually something always goes wrong," came the reply. "And you have to be prepared for it."
"So the fact that nothing had gone wrong yet... how could that possibly have placated you?" Sam asked, leading her the next step along the path.
Lauren shook her head, frowning as she turned to face the other woman. "I don't know. But maybe I'm misremembering, maybe this is just some delusion..."
Sam tipped her head to the side, raising her eyebrows. "I don't think I have to explain the concept of Occam's razor to you, do I?"
"No, thanks," the other woman said, pursing her lips. "I just... God, the thought of what this means...." She closed her eyes tightly for a moment, sighing.
"Hey..." She felt Sam's hand on her shoulder, then, giving it a little squeeze before releasing her again. "The most important thing is that you're okay, and so is everyone else, so nothing bad came of what happened this time round. The next most important thing is what you do now. Is there someone you could talk to for advice on all this? Steve Rogers? Maybe Bert? He seems like a pretty trustworthy guy..."
"Yeah. Yeah, maybe," Lauren replied. "I need to... think about it some more, I think."
"Right, of course. I'm sorry I... I didn't mean to pry stuff out of you. Force of habit I suppose."
"No, no, it's okay," Lauren said, reaching to put a hand briefly on the other woman's arm. "I appreciate it, really I do, I just... I don't want to put my problems on you. Or worry you, though I realise I've successfully failed that mission now."
"I'm glad I know. I don't like... not knowing things. Even in retrospect," Sam said with a wry smile, though her expression grew more sombre again almost immediately. "How're you holding up?" she asked, brows drawing together as she surveyed Lauren carefully for her response.
"Not... I'm not thrilled, let's put it that way," the other woman said with a game attempt at a smile.
"Very diplomatic. I'm, um, not in a position to prescribe you anything so I feel a bit on the useless side by comparison to you, but I can offer a supportive hug?" Sam replied, in that 'joking but not really' tone that said Lauren could pretend she had spoken in jest without either of them having to be embarrassed if she wanted to.
"Hugs are at least as efficacious as a Xanax, in this situation," Lauren told her, waiting for the other woman to parse her reply and open her arms before stepping closer, slipping her own arms around Sam's waist and leaning in, drawing a sigh from Sam in response to the first real human contact either of them had had since arriving on the station (if you didn't count being carried by Logan while semi-conscious) - though it had of course been rather longer for Lauren than for Sam. They were about the same height, though Sam had dipped her head to let her chin rest on the blonde's shoulder, arms tightening around her briefly.
Eventually Lauren stepped back - reluctantly, Sam thought - shooting the other woman a shy smile. "Thanks. If you were ever in the mood for a career change you could definitely go into therapeutic hugs."
Sam smiled a little in return. "Well, I think it probably pays about the same as police work around here, so..."
"I'd definitely ante up for a beer per hug rate, so you'd always be rich in local currency."
"Don't think there's anyone else around here I particularly feel the need to hug," Sam said. "But I s'pose that means you owe me a beer."
"Yeah, I do. But... could I take a raincheck on that? I don't think I'd be very good company right at the moment."
"Oh, I didn't mean now, love, I- hey, what's wrong?" Sam said now, breaking herself off as Lauren visibly winced. "What did I say?"
"Nothing, it's just..." Lauren shook her head, reaching up to run a hand through her long hair. "Bad associations, I guess."
"Right. Um. Sorry, I'll..." Sam took a slight step back, now, trying to look unconcerned and not quite succeeding. "Sorry."
Lauren felt a flash of anger at Klaus, for doing this to her and worse, for throwing yet more awkwardness into her interactions with Sam, which had never been particularly smooth to begin with. "It's okay. I... should go, I guess," she sighed. "I need to write some things down, in case... I forget."
"All right. Don't hesitate to come buzz me if you want to talk more about this," Sam said, stepping back away from the door and sticking her hands into her pockets. "I'll help however I can."
"I know you will. Um, thanks."
"So I'll see you around."
"Mmhmm. I mean, of course." Lauren nodded and moved towards the door. "Good night, Sam."
Lauren showed up that evening as promptly as always, ringing the buzzer on Sam's door and waiting to be let in even though they were familiar enough that that really wasn't necessary. She smiled absently at the other woman, her features shifting to a distracted frown that Sam had come to know as the expression she wore when puzzling over a particularly challenging problem in the lab. "Hey."
"...Hey yourself," Sam said, standing back to let Lauren past her into the room, which looked very much as it had before the lockdown - sparse and neat, the only addition a small rucksack that now lived in the corner of the room. "C'n I get you anything? The replicator gave me some coke this morning..."
"Mm, sure, or water's fine too," Lauren told her, taking a seat in the lounge chair. "How was today?"
"Went for a run," Sam offered. "During the middle of the day, too, there were other people around and everything. Of course, I was at a full run pretty much the whole time so it's not like there was much danger of having to talk to them..."
"Well, it's still good that you got out there," Lauren said, looking more worried than cheerful at this news. "I'm glad."
Now Sam's brows drew together, though she still disappeared into her tiny bathroom for a minute to fetch the promised coke (which had a plain label on it declaring it to be 'coke') and pouring them each a glass before sitting down on the bed, nodding toward the desk chair beside it. "How was your day?"
"Oh, you know..."
"Do I?" Sam raised her eyebrows at Lauren over her glass. "Tell me anyway."
"Oh, I just did some work in the lab. That's about it, really." Normally at this point Lauren would offer some confusing scientific jargon for her latest project, something Sam might've heard in her forensic chemistry lectures maybe, but on this occasion she didn't elaborate, merely sipping the gently-fizzing drink and staring off into the middle distance.
"D'you... want to tell me what else happened today?" Sam said after a slightly-too-long pause, tipping her head to the side. "Or do I need to get out the bright light and the tape recorder."
The other woman started, looking back at Sam almost guiltily. "I... I don't know. I mean. I don't want to worry you."
"Consider that mission a bust," Sam informed her dryly. "I'm worried."
Lauren began to fidget, spreading her fingers out towards Sam like she was offering her something, then closing as she took it away again. "I just... do you remember that first night, in the sanctuary? I disappeared for a while and told you not to worry?"
"Yeah, to talk to the vampires." At Lauren's wince, she shrugged. "I'm not an idiot. I assumed you sorted something out. I... take it that's not quite the case?"
"I though it was, but today I was in the lab and I had this thought... no, a memory of something happening and... I think they did something to me. Convinced me to shut up and accept their decisions."
Sam shook her head. "I don't understand, you remembered them talking you round?"
"No," Lauren said, her expression twisting. "I mean they made me, they used some sort of... glamour, or trance or something to make me think we had resolved things when we hadn't." She sucked in a breath, quickly setting her glass down and reaching to press her hands to her cheeks. "I walked out thinking they were right because they made me. Manipulated me."
"They brainwashed you? Fuck..." Sam set her own glass down, sitting forward where she was perched on the bed, as though wanting to pull her seat closer to Lauren but obviously unable to. "Jesus... Who was it? What are you going to do?"
"I don't know. I mean, I do know, it was Klaus," Lauren stated matter-of-factly, as if that would help. "But I don't know what I'm going to do about it. I wanted to help them, but after this... they're dangerous, clearly. I don't know what to do." She looked up at Sam with a pained expression, unwilling to dump her problems on the other woman and yet desperately needing reassurance.
"This is..." Sam shook her head. "I knew they could do that, but I thought - with those nanites you talked about, I assumed..."
"You knew?" Lauren asked, frowning. "Oh, of course. Your research. Yes, I think that they're still quite dangerous, even with the nanites."
"But no one else has ever said they were... mind controlled, or whatever, have they? I mean, d'you think you're just the only one who's realised afterward?"
"I don't know. I don't know." Suddenly she pushed herself up, turning away from the other woman, her expression fraught. "I don't know anything about this, I don't have my books and my sources and my research, I can't just ask someone because the only people who know are them, and I can't examine myself because what if I'm wrong, what if I'm just going insane and this is what it feels like?"
Sam was on her feet again in a moment - Lauren heard her rise from the bunk - though she didn't come any closer. "Well," she said carefully after a long moment, "can you tell me why you decided that you had come to an agreement? With the vampires, I mean," she added, as though this wasn't obvious.
"Because he told me I had. And I believed it."
"What reason did you have to believe it?"
"You mean before or after the compulsion?"
"You were busy second-guessing yourself. So assuming that it's in your imagination, what reason did you have to believe that everything was fine?"
"I... I don't know. I suppose because nothing had gone wrong yet," Lauren said with a shrug.
"So why talk to them in the first place?" Sam pushed, and Lauren heard her voice grow a little closer, almost beside her now.
"Because eventually something always goes wrong," came the reply. "And you have to be prepared for it."
"So the fact that nothing had gone wrong yet... how could that possibly have placated you?" Sam asked, leading her the next step along the path.
Lauren shook her head, frowning as she turned to face the other woman. "I don't know. But maybe I'm misremembering, maybe this is just some delusion..."
Sam tipped her head to the side, raising her eyebrows. "I don't think I have to explain the concept of Occam's razor to you, do I?"
"No, thanks," the other woman said, pursing her lips. "I just... God, the thought of what this means...." She closed her eyes tightly for a moment, sighing.
"Hey..." She felt Sam's hand on her shoulder, then, giving it a little squeeze before releasing her again. "The most important thing is that you're okay, and so is everyone else, so nothing bad came of what happened this time round. The next most important thing is what you do now. Is there someone you could talk to for advice on all this? Steve Rogers? Maybe Bert? He seems like a pretty trustworthy guy..."
"Yeah. Yeah, maybe," Lauren replied. "I need to... think about it some more, I think."
"Right, of course. I'm sorry I... I didn't mean to pry stuff out of you. Force of habit I suppose."
"No, no, it's okay," Lauren said, reaching to put a hand briefly on the other woman's arm. "I appreciate it, really I do, I just... I don't want to put my problems on you. Or worry you, though I realise I've successfully failed that mission now."
"I'm glad I know. I don't like... not knowing things. Even in retrospect," Sam said with a wry smile, though her expression grew more sombre again almost immediately. "How're you holding up?" she asked, brows drawing together as she surveyed Lauren carefully for her response.
"Not... I'm not thrilled, let's put it that way," the other woman said with a game attempt at a smile.
"Very diplomatic. I'm, um, not in a position to prescribe you anything so I feel a bit on the useless side by comparison to you, but I can offer a supportive hug?" Sam replied, in that 'joking but not really' tone that said Lauren could pretend she had spoken in jest without either of them having to be embarrassed if she wanted to.
"Hugs are at least as efficacious as a Xanax, in this situation," Lauren told her, waiting for the other woman to parse her reply and open her arms before stepping closer, slipping her own arms around Sam's waist and leaning in, drawing a sigh from Sam in response to the first real human contact either of them had had since arriving on the station (if you didn't count being carried by Logan while semi-conscious) - though it had of course been rather longer for Lauren than for Sam. They were about the same height, though Sam had dipped her head to let her chin rest on the blonde's shoulder, arms tightening around her briefly.
Eventually Lauren stepped back - reluctantly, Sam thought - shooting the other woman a shy smile. "Thanks. If you were ever in the mood for a career change you could definitely go into therapeutic hugs."
Sam smiled a little in return. "Well, I think it probably pays about the same as police work around here, so..."
"I'd definitely ante up for a beer per hug rate, so you'd always be rich in local currency."
"Don't think there's anyone else around here I particularly feel the need to hug," Sam said. "But I s'pose that means you owe me a beer."
"Yeah, I do. But... could I take a raincheck on that? I don't think I'd be very good company right at the moment."
"Oh, I didn't mean now, love, I- hey, what's wrong?" Sam said now, breaking herself off as Lauren visibly winced. "What did I say?"
"Nothing, it's just..." Lauren shook her head, reaching up to run a hand through her long hair. "Bad associations, I guess."
"Right. Um. Sorry, I'll..." Sam took a slight step back, now, trying to look unconcerned and not quite succeeding. "Sorry."
Lauren felt a flash of anger at Klaus, for doing this to her and worse, for throwing yet more awkwardness into her interactions with Sam, which had never been particularly smooth to begin with. "It's okay. I... should go, I guess," she sighed. "I need to write some things down, in case... I forget."
"All right. Don't hesitate to come buzz me if you want to talk more about this," Sam said, stepping back away from the door and sticking her hands into her pockets. "I'll help however I can."
"I know you will. Um, thanks."
"So I'll see you around."
"Mmhmm. I mean, of course." Lauren nodded and moved towards the door. "Good night, Sam."
